My 2017 Year of Travel

This year, I must admit, I travelled more than I ever have before. Most probably because it’s also my final year in medical school ever = final year of freedom from real responsibilities. I even reached my 50th country! Without further ado, here’s my 2017 Year of Travel.

Previous Year of Travel posts: My 2015 year of travel and My 2016 year of travel

All photos are from my Instagram.

1.  Began the New Year in the Big Apple

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPfCB83gnT1/?taken-by=samvsworld

2. Attended my very first Indian wedding in Leicester, UK

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPxCyl0gLdH/?taken-by=samvsworld

3. Seeing good old friends in London a month later

https://www.instagram.com/p/BRLseNdFkTL/?taken-by=samvsworld

4. Watching beautiful sunsets in Boracay, Philippines

https://www.instagram.com/p/BRzm33wl1PE/?taken-by=samvsworld

5. Interned as Dr. Sam in Philippine General Hospital, realising how grateful I am to live in a country like Sweden

https://www.instagram.com/p/BST8jMylOj2/?taken-by=samvsworld

6. Represented my choir and sang with hundreds of other choir singers around the Nordic region in Oulu, Finland

https://www.instagram.com/p/BTwhdTpF3Yp/?taken-by=samvsworld

7. Passed by Tallinn, Estonia for a weekend

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVRvk0FBKl9/?taken-by=samvsworld

8. Learnt how to scuba dive in Subic, Philippines

https://www.instagram.com/p/BV2AfINhbs7/?taken-by=samvsworld

9. Rode a kalesa in Vigan, Philippines

https://www.instagram.com/p/BWkW8tABKJL/?taken-by=samvsworld

10. Discovered beautiful natural springs in Bicol, Philippines

https://www.instagram.com/p/BWzIG_2BI6N/?taken-by=samvsworld

11. Made a quick trip to Hong Kong Disneyland

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXII6O1BSh3/?taken-by=samvsworld

12. Visited paradise in Pangasinan, Philippines

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXrHtKghWuU/?taken-by=samvsworld

13. A quick stop over in my paradise home in Subic for a few days

https://www.instagram.com/p/BafrhmVBf9I/?taken-by=samvsworld

14. After a quick stop over in Subic, I got to sit in the cockpit of an airplane for the first time ever!

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bag9B2iBMKk/?taken-by=samvsworld

15. Escaped winter and interned at the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne, Australia for four weeks

https://www.instagram.com/p/BbpJcLoB5_Y/?taken-by=samvsworld

16. Got to finally dive the Great Barrier Reef in Cairns, Australia

https://www.instagram.com/p/BbMF_NpB3Kn/?taken-by=samvsworld

17. Made a quick stop over and explored Singapore for a few hours

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bby__TmhyfD/?taken-by=samvsworld

18. Returned to Philippine General Hospital for my final rotation and delivered my first baby!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BccCX8Shm4r/?taken-by=samvsworld

19. Finally got to see the beautiful Hundred Islands in Pangasinan Philippines with Jonas straight from the airport

https://www.instagram.com/p/BdPd8UTB-Ob/?taken-by=samvsworld

20. Happily ending this year and starting the next, with this guy by my side in the country of my birth ❤

https://www.instagram.com/p/BdRNoJOhgR1/?taken-by=samvsworld

PHEW! That was a long list. Definitely the longest ever. It was a good year of travel, and we’ll see where 2018 will bring us! However as now that I will start working, probably not to very far away places. But my wandering soul will forever remain.

Happy new year everyone! 😀 ❤

The Miracle Of Life

“In terms of rape victims who get pregnant from their aggressors, would it be okay for an abortion?”

“What if the baby has a life-threatening condition, should one still continue with the pregnancy and go through the trauma of giving birth, when knowing that the baby has no chance of survival?”

“What if the baby has a serious condition requiring lifelong medical care, leading to the child having a poor quality of life? Should one still continue the pregnancy?”

As a Catholic doctor as well as a woman, I have had difficulties with these questions. I have long pondered, if a patient asked me for an abortion because of these reasons, what would I say? Or perhaps even, what would I do if I was put into that situation?

A few months ago, I was doing my anaesthesia rotation. The next patient to come in for surgery read “abortion,” and it was for a baby just about in the Swedish legal limits for a woman to have full autonomy in having an abortion – 18 weeks. As a medical student, it was my job to receive the patient from the waiting room. After introducing myself to the patient only a few years older than me, we started walking together to the operation room. On the way to the operation room she said: “I can’t wait for this to be over, and for this thing to be out of me.”

I was filled with sadness, for both the mother and the baby. I was sad for the mother for failing to see God’s gift for her, and sad for the baby who was robbed of God’s greatest gift for them, their life. After escorting the patient to the operation room, followed by a quiet prayer to myself for both the mother and the baby, I excused myself from the surgery. At that moment, the teachings and answers provided by the Church regarding my questions on abortion all made sense.

*

Right now, I am in the Philippines for my Obstetrics/Gynaecology clinical rotation. Right before leaving, my boyfriend Jonas and I decided to do the First Saturdays Devotion together, as requested by Our Lady of Fatima. On the day I was leaving for the Philippines, we went to mass together on the first Saturday of December, followed by praying the Rosary and afterwards meditating on the mysteries of the Most Holy Rosary for 15 minutes – which are all parts of the things to do during the First Saturdays Devotion. I chose to meditate on the Nativity.

As I began my meditation, I pictured Mary. Already from the moment the Angel Gabriel announced her miraculous conception of Jesus, she decided to accept and trust God’s plan for her. As crazy as it may sound that she became pregnant despite being a virgin. Even St Joseph her spouse was fully supportive, after being spoken to by an angel of God in a dream. Mary and Joseph both trusted God’s plan for them and embraced this blessing fully until the very end. Even when Mary was about to give birth. Even though Mary and Joseph were not welcomed in any home in Bethlehem, they had no fear. In the end, Mary gave birth to the Saviour of the world, in a manger.

Then I pictured Mary with thorns in her heart. Unlike Mary, many women today fear pregnancy, and see it as a “disease” needing prevention and treatment. Unlike Mary, many women today do not love their children, in the same way she did. I could feel Mary’s pain for all the children both born and unborn, who are unloved by their parents especially their mothers. These children are so unloved, that some mothers even decide to kill them before they are born into the beautiful world God created for us. I realized what Mary was telling me. No matter the circumstance, every child conceived is a miracle and is God’s most precious gift to the world, life. And just like her, I will love every child God will bless my husband and I unconditionally.

*

I have always said Obstetrics (the medical specialty concerning pregnancy and childbirth) is the happiest specialty. The patients are usually healthy mothers excitedly waiting for the birth of their children. Doing my obstetrics rotation here in the Philippines has been an absolute joy, as it makes me happy being surrounded by expecting mothers, as well as happy mothers with newly born babies. Last week, during the feast day of the Immaculate Conception, I was given the opportunity to deliver my very first baby.

When the baby had just been successfully delivered, I was standing there in silence and awe, looking at the baby in my hands. It felt as if time had stopped, until I heard the doctor say, “You can pass the baby to the midwife now.” I passed the baby to the midwife, who then passed the baby to the mother. After the delivery, I changed out of my scrubs and rushed to mass.

I cannot explain the emotions that ran through me as I was holding that baby. As I held that baby, the miracle of life, I could just feel the immense happiness and love for this child. Just like every one of us, this child was born because of God’s love for us. What a blessing it was to be used as an instrument to deliver life, God’s most precious gift, into our beautiful world.

*

Every child is a miracle of life and a gift from God, out of His love for us. Just like the child Jesus, God loves us so much that He sent His only Son into the world to save us from our sins, so that we can join Him again in Heaven. This Christmas, let us thank God for this blessing of salvation, and celebrate our Saviour’s birth. Let us also pray for all the children born and unborn, and their parents. Let us pray for all parents especially mothers, to always love their children unconditionally, in the same way Mary and God love us.

John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world, as to give his only begotten son: that whoever believes in Him may not perish, but may have life everlasting. For God sent not his Son into the world to judge the world: but that the world may be saved by him.

For Elena (original)

All of us, or at least the majority of us, become doctors because we want to help people. We’re idealists, hoping that we can make a difference in people’s lives. After two weeks with a refugee doctor, I realised that sometimes, we can’t.

Everyday, I heard stories of families being separated because of war, innocent loved ones being killed or even worse, being deported back to the place they fled from.

I was frustrated. So frustrated that their stories stayed with me even after I left the clinic, even during my sleep. I hated that my patients had to go through this and worst of all, I hated the fact that I can’t do anything about it.

During my final day, I received a patient about my age who has been through a lot more pain than anyone in their 20s should do. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she just said she wanted someone to listen to what’s inside her heart. Even though I was happy she eventually left the clinic with a smile, I was burdened more than ever.

I realised that as a doctor, and as a person, I’m limited. I can’t change the world, I can’t stop the evil that’s happening around us, and I can’t undo what has happened to the victims I meet. What I can do though, is be there for them and pray. And so that’s what I’ve been doing.

This is a song I wrote for that patient (the title is not her real name) and all the other patients I met and will meet. To my patients, I’m sorry for everything that has happened, but I hope and pray that everything will be okay from now on.

 

I’m tired. (KUA/student-lead ward finally over)

I’m tired. For the past two weeks of this student-lead ward placement, I’ve been met with prejudice, discrimination and disrespect. Even some trying to undermine my role as in this case, the doctor. It turns out, it doesn’t matter how many times I present myself as the doctor. Just because of my appearance, it will never sink in for some. During the day, I told myself to hold on for just a few more hours but… I broke down.
 
The world is unfair I told myself. No matter what I’ll do, some people will just never take me seriously. Why did I even choose this profession in the first place? After crying on the phone to my friend, I returned to the ward.
 
At the end of the day, as it was our last shift at the placement, I said goodbye to our patients. They then told me that they were sorry to see me leave, and thanked me for all that we’ve done.
 
“With you guys around, I will always feel safe even if I’m home alone. We always hear nonsense on the news, when they should really be publishing about the work you all do. I wanted you to know that and, thank you very much for everything.”
 
I remembered why I wanted to be a doctor again. ❤️

5 lessons I learnt from failure

For my entire life, I have never failed an exam. Study or no study, somehow, I’ve been lucky with exams. I have always taken pride in my ability to have a perfect pass record and my high marks. Failure, has never been an option neither a possibility for me. Then I came to Linköping and I failed my first exam ever. Twice.

I was devastated. For a long time, I questioned my abilities. How have I managed so far when I can’t even pass an exam, even after redoing it? I was discouraged, and all of a sudden, my belief in my natural superpower of doing well in exams was gone. Countless tears were shed and I was crushed inside. Then I thought, perhaps I made the worst mistake of my life by transferring to medical school in Sweden. I doubted myself and my decision.

I felt like a failure. I felt unworthy of staying in medical school in Linköping if I couldn’t even pass this exam after another try. Nevertheless, I persevered. I listened to my friends who told me that it’s okay to fail, and it’s understandable. You’ve never studied in Swedish and this is your first time taking an exam in Linköping and in Swedish they said. I held on to that thought for the entire of last semester, with the fear of being put on academic probation in the back of my head. I retook the exam once again in January, and I passed. Third time’s a charm.

Failing, was definitely a tough experience to go through, but I believe that it is a valuable experience to have. After all, we learn from our mistakes right? Failure is the best teacher.

 

5 LESSONS FAILURE TAUGHT ME

1. Failure doesn’t define you, but rather what you do about it afterwards

I had this idea that by failing, I will always be marked as a failure. Something that will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life. I was wrong. After failing, no one seems to remember that I failed, but only remember the fact that I passed. Looking at successful people in the world, like Bill Gates and Michael Jordan. Are they remembered for dropping out of college or not making it to their basketball team? Nope, they are only remembered for what they had achieved afterwards.

smooth save gymnastics girl on bar

2. Failure is simply an opportunity for growth

After finding out that I had failed, I repeated to myself of how I knew nothing. I beat myself about it, telling myself how stupid I was that nothing had gone in my head during my entire time studying. When I got to see my score, I found out that I was only 3 points away from passing. The second time, 4 points away (wrong way I know).

Failing doesn’t mean that one isn’t capable of succeeding, but rather one isn’t there just yet. 3 points away to be precise in my case. In this case, one is given the opportunity to continue developing using the lessons learnt from one’s failure, so that one in the end one can reach one’s goal in the best way possible.

you can dust it off and try again aliyah gif

3. If your friends and family believe in you, so should you

When I had failed, my friends and family kept telling me nonchalantly, oh don’t worry you’ll make it next time. I kept saying I would do my best, but I already had failed twice so my statistics looked grim. How come my friends and family trusted my abilities so much but I didn’t? Once passing, I was over the moon, and then they told me that they told me so.

If I had believed in what my friends and family said, I would’ve saved myself all the mental anguish and anxieties from the fear of failing yet again. There really is a strength in faith, especially faith in oneself. If they didn’t believe in me, who knows if I would’ve passed if I didn’t even believe that I would. The first step in doing something is believing one can accomplish it right?

child saying you have got to believe in yourself gif giphy

4. Not reaching one’s own expectations doesn’t make one a failure

I expected myself to have gone through medical school without failing a single exam, and on the time I expected myself to finish. I was supposed to be a graduated doctor by 23, with a perfect academic record. I’m graduating at 24, in Sweden, with a few failed exams here and there. Does that make me a worse doctor? Does that make me a failure? Nope, in the end I will still become a doctor, which is my goal in the first place. With a lot more experience than I had expected to graduate with.

arrested development i don't know what I expected

5. Failing is not the end of the world

You failed, so what. Life goes on. In the words of my favourite prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

In other words, better luck next time!

i'm rooting for you patrick star spongebob gif

What do you tell someone who’s about to die?

(Disclaimer: I received verbal consent from my patient to share about my experience with him.)

This week I’ve been at the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, and nothing has challenged me more physically, mentally and emotionally during a placement.

At the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, many patients come in after suffering heart attacks. They are in critical need of care, where many patients are vulnerable and are fighting to stay alive… and the healthcare team fighting to keep them alive.

The week began quite calmly, which gave me lots of reading time, but since yesterday and especially today, I’ve been running.

Running. Trying to learn and help out during critical situations, but mainly trying to keep out of the way. Running to wherever the alarm rings. Another patient is dying. Every second counts.

Yesterday, in the midst of a flurry of doctors and nurses trying to save another patient from a cardiac arrest, everyone leaves the room to discuss. At this point, several life-saving electric shocks had been given, and I was there to witness them all. Even seeing the patient in pain.

I tried fighting my tears as I realise, I don’t like seeing patients in pain. And I really wish I don’t ever have to. But there I was.

I was left alone in the room with the patient and I take their hand to comfort them. The patient then looks at me straight in the eyes and tells me:

Jag kommer nu.” – “I’m coming now.”

Coming. Coming to a place beyond us. Coming to death. Coming to what I like to believe, life after death. Coming to Heaven.

I was silent, again fighting my tears. I look straight back not knowing what to say. What do you tell someone who knows they’re about to die, and you know it too? What do you tell someone who’s about to die?

*

This question wracked my brain until the next day. Could I have said anything to improve the situation? What if that really was the last chance I got to talk to them? What if I was the last person they spoke to, and I couldn’t even say a word?

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. After a rough night and morning of more emergency interventions, the patient is alive and recovering. I finished my day early and decided to pass by the patient’s room to talk to them. It didn’t really feel right for me to leave for the weekend, not knowing whether they will be okay or not when I return. I waited for their room to be free, came in, and in the end I stayed for over an hour chatting. At the end of it they took my hand and told me:

“You have an important duty to pass on your genes to the next generation and I hope you have many children… but be careful with your choice!”

I promised I will, and in return I made them promise they will be around when I come back after the weekend.

As a medical student, I usually joke that another day at the hospital is another life saved, but now I realised this is not a joke at all. As healthcare workers, we are given the unique opportunity to make great changes in people’s lives, and sometimes even save a life. However at times, we are also there as they take their last breath. Being prepared for both scenarios would make the best impact on people’s lives and today, I realised I still have a lot left to learn.

heart ECG tracing recording

 

On being a young researcher

Since the age of 16, I have known my way around a research lab and understand research jargon. I have familiarised myself with the research life, where everything you do is highly dependent on your cells (your babies) and the experiments you do with them. You never leave your experiment without a timer and when it rings, RUN. Otherwise that experiment you’ve paid thousands for and have been working on for the entire week would’ve been all for nothing. Or when you successfully get your results and realise that you’ve contaminated the sample?… There can be no greater research pain. It’s happened to all of us, and I know that you who are reading this who have done research before can relate.

Call me doctor Sam first lab internship as a 16-year old at Stockholm University

Self-proclaimed nerd since 2010, at my first lab internship as a 16-year old at Stockholm University

However there is one thing that has been harder to get used to. In every research group I have been in, I have always been the youngest.

As a high school student and later medical student in my early years, it was hard for me to enter a group of people who were in average normally 10 years older. All incredibly intelligent, talented and experienced, not only in what they were working with but in life too. They were in much different stages in their lives than I was. Married with their own families, sometimes with children my age. They had their lives established already with fancy titles beside their names…. and I was always just Sam.

 

I often felt lonely. How could I relate to these people? These people who are all so amazing, how could I match with them? I always looked up to them, and was often intimidated. Would I even be able to say anything smart and mature for them to see me as a peer? I didn’t want to risk it, so most of the time I just sat quietly and did my work until the day was over. Until now.

Since February, I have belonged to a research group in Linköping University working on colorectal cancer. Two days ago, I have finally signed my contract as a Research Engineer for the university. In my research group, I’m the only one without a Dr. title in front of my name – where all are medical doctors with years of experience (doctors/surgeons with MDPhDs mainly) except for my project partner who’s a postdoc from medical sciences, which is why they paired me with him. Two days ago, I found out that he has photographic (eidetic) memory.

 

Yes, I have asked myself several times – what am I doing here. If there is one group that I should feel most intimidated by, it would be this one. But rather, I could have never asked for a better group to work in. Despite being the least qualified in the group, somehow, I still feel that I belong. It was only in this group where I realised that if amazing, talented colleagues of mine see me as a peer and believe that I can contribute and belong to the group, I should believe so too.

Being surrounded by intelligent people on an everyday basis is definitely a humbling experience. Like before, I still often feel small, but now instead of questioning my own abilities, I ask my colleagues about theirs. I am given the unique opportunity to learn from the best, for me to improve my own abilities. I get inspired to dare to dream for my own ambitions, from those who already are exceeding theirs.

I have been blessed with amazing colleagues who I am looking forward to working with for the year(s) to come. They taught me that having big crazy dreams is good, because they do too. So together we dream and work for something as crazy as even finding the cure for cancer. Who knows, maybe someday we will!

dinner in 1853 eating italian food like pizza in linköping with my research lab colleagues

Introducing my research group from our dinner at 1853 in Linköping! Dr. everyone but me 😀 

The news of Brexit is finally hitting me

Yesterday, my newsfeed was filled with news of my friends’ graduations from St Andrews (it’s graduation week over there), midsummer photos from my friends in Sweden and lastly of course, the EU referendum results. What was supposed to be a happy day, was tainted with sadness with the news of the UK leaving the EU.
 
I must admit however, my initial reaction to the results was a somewhat relief, as it further affirmed my decision of leaving the UK. But with the news following the result like the resignation of David Cameron and the crash of the pound, I cannot help but worry about the unpredictable future of the UK. However now that the results are set, we can only hope that the political leaders will steer this result into a mutual positive outcome for both the UK and the EU.
 
Two years ago, I graduated from the most amazing university in the world: the University of St Andrews, Scotland. St Andrews was a university filled with tradition and world-class teaching, attracting students from all over the world. From my time there, I believed that the UK was a welcoming country of opportunity, which valued ambition and talent. Please, let the future international students like myself and other professionals feel as welcome as I did. Please, don’t change 💔
me on my graduation day with a BSc Medicine (Hons) from the School of medicine in St Andrews Scotland

Me on my graduation day with a BSc Medicine (Hons) from the School of Medicine in St Andrews, Scotland

 

 

UK, you will be missed in the EU

Around this time year, I made the bold decision to leave my future in the UK, after four years of medical school there. While most who didn’t know the real story behind it (that’s a story for another day) told me this was a bad decision, I somehow knew my future was elsewhere. A few months later, my newsfeed was flooded with news of my friends on strike for better conditions for Junior Doctors. Today, the UK has now voted to leave the EU. 

If I had stayed, I would’ve had worse conditions as a newly graduate doctor than if I had worked in Sweden. However after today’s events, I wouldn’t even be able to work as a doctor in Sweden with a British medical degree. 

Earlier this week, I overcame my fear of officially leaving Manchester University (I’m currently on leave) and began the process of withdrawing my enrolment. Sure, I had to undergo a traumatic year to make me finally leave the UK, but somehow I feel that that was the universe/God’s way of directing me to where I’m supposed to go. If I had stayed, what would have I done now? 

To all my friends (especially those from the EU) in the UK, I hope the decision of the UK leaving the EU doesn’t affect your future plans in any way. UK, I wish you all the best in standing on your own two feet. Thank you for giving me a free BSc Medicine (Hons) from St Andrews when I could.

How I developed radial tunnel and lost the ability to play the violin

Five years ago, possibly owing to my Type A personality and absurdly high expectations on myself, I lost one of my biggest passions at the time, which was the violin.

Starting at the age of 16, I decided to pick up the violin again after a hiatus of three years. I auditioned and started taking lessons and playing in an orchestra at the Royal College of Music in Stockholm. I quickly picked it up again, and starting from playing in the furthermost row in Violin 2 in my orchestra, the following year I was playing in the front row beside the Concerto Maestro in Violin 1. The College also allowed me into their violin vault filled with priceless violins to pick one for myself. After going through several priceless violins, I picked a Danish violin from the beginning of the 1800s. That moment I chose my violin is a very special memory for me, which I can most closely describe as like when Harry Potter chose his wand from Ollivander’s Wand Shop.

Harry Potter chose his wand at the Ollivander wand shop

My teachers at school found out I play the violin, and so apart from the pieces I played at the College, one could see me with my violin at assemblies as well. For all these pieces I was expected to play, I practiced at least 4h a day, especially during concert season nearing the summer. People had very high expectations on me, and my expectations on myself even higher. I had my violin with me everywhere, we were inseparable.

Nearing the end of concert season right before the summer of 2011, I suddenly would start getting severe shooting pain and numbness/tingly feelings in my fingers in my right hand/arm. My doctor told me I needed to rest and was referred to a physiotherapist. But no. I was going to finish concert season.

I would hide my wrist splint prescribed to me by the physiotherapists every time I came to the College, so my teachers won’t know I’m actually not allowed to play. Eventually my arm got the best to me near the end of concert season, to the point I couldn’t move it for an entire month. I skipped exams as I couldn’t write anymore (I’m right handed and that was where I got injured), attended my medical school interviews wearing a wrist splint etc. It was very hard on me physically, but even harder on me emotionally. But somehow through it all, I managed all my concerts.

At the end of concert season, I told myself I need to rest my arm. I rested it until I moved to university in St Andrews. I started playing a little for myself there, but I still kept getting pain. Now the pain was persistent every time I used my arm. I lost the ability to play the violin.

The following years, I sought healthcare back and forth in the UK with no result. I started getting physiotherapy including ultrasound (or what my teacher calls whale song therapy) and was prescribed NSAID anti-inflammatories. I started getting tested in various ways such as X-ray, MRI, electrophysiological tests you name it. I was given different diagnoses all the time and met various doctors constantly. Carpal tunnel, tennis elbow, repetitive strain injury, tendonitis… but none of them were correct until I came back to Sweden after four years in the UK.

I was referred to see a hand surgeon who happens to be a lecturer at Karolinska (my friends remember him and said that when they came out of his lecture everyone wanted to be hand surgeons!) and within 30min of hearing my story and examining me, he decided that I was to be operated. I was finally diagnosed with the correct diagnosis – radial tunnel.

It has gone three weeks since my operation and right now I’m on my way to Stockholm to see my hand surgeon for the first time since. We’re finally removing the steri-strips (the protective layer applied on the surgical site during the operation) and I’ll be seeing my surgical scar for the first time. Or my battle wound as I’d like to call it. My violin battle wound.

Soon I can play the violin again. Soon I can return to one of my passions. Soon. ❤

girl with violin from the Royal College of Music in Stockholm

This is a photo of me and my precious violin from the Royal College of Music in Stockholm five years ago when my problems started. This was the last time I could properly play the violin. My violin was repaired in 1862 by a Danish instrument maker named G. Enger in Copenhagen.