No man is an island (Psychiatry in Växjö)

I’m now on my final week in psychiatry in Växjö, and so far it’s been amazing. This week is a bit special though, as now I’m in Children’s Psychiatry. Otherwise during the past three weeks I’ve been in Adult Psychiatry, rotating within Emergency Psychiatry, Psychosis, Geriatric Psychiatry, General Psychiatry and lastly what I call the Psychiatric Jail. I’ve seen a great array of cases, and I think if there’s something I’ll bring from my placement, that would be that no man is an island.

Psychiatry is all about relationships. Well, for the main part anyway except for perhaps the cases of schizophrenia, autism etc. Otherwise, it’s all about relationships.

Relationships with your family, with your partner and of course with yourself.

When I was in the Emergency Psychiatry clinic on Valentine’s day, we all of a sudden saw a rise of emergency bookings compared to the day before. 10 patients vs the 2 yesterday on a Monday. It’s just a regular Tuesday I thought, but nope. It’s Valentine’s Day. The next day, only one patient came to the clinic.

Patients came in with depression which started from their divorce and/or patients coming in with suicidal thoughts from failed relationships. I thought to myself, this must be because of the holiday. If you’re surrounded by things that will constantly remind you about love, loved ones and relationships, if you don’t feel loved, it’s not too surprising if you would do something crazy on Valentine’s day.

As humans, we have a strong sense of belonging. Sure, being strong and independent is a quality to be desired and to strive for, but being independent doesn’t mean one is alone. Being independent means you are in control of yourself and your surroundings. With surroundings, I don’t only mean the things around us, but also with whom we live our lives with. Because it is through these people we feel like we belong and we gain purpose. It is through these people we find a home. And a home is a place where we feel loved.

When I meet these patients in the clinic, it saddens me that they are deprived of a home where they feel like they belong, a place where they receive love. If these basic needs were met, I believe a majority of these patients wouldn’t be here in the first place. If they have a place where they feel love, it will be easier for them to have love within them for themselves. And with self-love comes our power as human beings. Without power, what are we then?

It’s true what they say, love makes the world go around. Love is the answer. I believe this is more true than ever in psychiatry. Sure, as doctors we can give medication to try and help their situations, but if they don’t have that love within, medication is only a band-aid. If they haven’t nurtured a love within, with the help of others’ love for them, then they definitely need it now. In the end, no man is an island.

…But then again, what the heck what do I know, I’m only a student ✌️️

Self-development and forensic medicine in two weeks

So I’m currently on the plane to Tokyo, and thank God they’re offering wifi on this plane. Blog time!

These past two weeks, I’ve been with my T9 class (semester 9) for our theory weeks. This theory block is called Folkhälsa och Förhållningssätt (FoF), which basically is all the other parts of medicine which doesn’t involve any actual medicine like physiology and anatomy etc. These past two weeks, were devoted to self-development, forensic medicine and social medicine/public health.

The first week started with a three-day retreat at Vårdnäs, all paid for and provided by the medical school of course. Half of us in the class were divided into smaller groups with classmates who we don’t know at all. Together we learnt new leadership techniques and shared deep personal things with each other. Why is this necessary to become a doctor you might wonder? The explanation was this: patients entrust their deepest and most personal secrets to complete strangers, doctors, us, and the only way we can understand this if we do it ourselves. Then we know how patients feel when they visit doctors, and hopefully, with a better understanding of how they feel, we can in turn improve in our patient contact and as doctors. The first day basically began with a tough 30min presentation of ourselves to our group mates. Difficult, as we are not used to opening up to such personal things to strangers. However, who knew that would be an opening to something very special. 

The second day we learnt about the different leadership profiles. I turned out to be a “yellow” profile aka a motivator. I recommend you all to do that test too, and from there you can understand what kind of person I am with my profile. The rest of the days were based on building on what we know about our leadership profiles and each other. At the end of the three days, we went home having warm and fuzzy memories from our time there. We also most probably gained weight as they gave us delicious food five times a day. All worth it.

The following days after the retreat, all the lectures spoke about inequalities in health as well as forensic medicine. I didn’t think I would be so sensitive to these things, but really, after seeing images of murder and rape and hearing gruesome stories of real life crimes, unfortunately these images reappeared in my dreams. After the lecture series, we even had the opportunity to visit the morgue. This side of medicine I never prepared myself for, but this a reality that is very real for us doctors and everyone around us too. Which unfortunately I believe we will encounter in one form or another in the future. At least now I’m better prepared.

In summary, it’s been a tough two weeks, but very nourishing indeed. Tough personally and also tough as the lecture topics were hard to chew. I guess I can’t expect my last two weeks with my semester 9 class to be all fun and games. My next theory block will be with my semester 8 class on the same theme but until then, Orthopaedics in Guam here I come! 😁

5 uniquely British medical practices

I’ll be blunt and admit that I don’t really have a lot of exciting things to tell from the hospital after my placements. I think my placement in medical emergency is a tough one to beat. However recently, I’ve been remembering all these medical practices that was everyday for me in the UK, which now actually seems completely alien to me. I’m converting. There’s a lot that comes to mind, but for starters, here’s a list of five uniquely British medical practices.

1. Clinical wear is basically formal wear

For doctors, clinical wear entails shirt/trousers (NOT JEANS) for men and shirt/blouse/skirt/trousers (again NOT JEANS) for women. Nice flat dress shoes for both genders. Yes, this practice is extremely questionable hygiene-wise, as you come to work with the same clothes you will be wearing the whole day at the hospital, but there is some reasoning behind this.

The medical practice in the UK wanted to take a step away from the hierarchical system by abolishing the white coat and scrubs for doctors. There shouldn’t be anything to distinguish a doctor from a patient appearance-wise, as in the end they’re both people. This is so that there will be no “us and them” mentality between the doctors and the patients, and hopefully, doctors become more approachable during patient contact. It’s a nice thought I guess, and perhaps the prevalence of “white coat syndrome” has diminished over the years. However hygiene-wise once again, questionable.

homer gif giphy saying why so formal lenny you're my go to guy

2. Only black or white shoes are allowed to be worn in the hospital

The professional clinical look in British standards is to be somewhat uniform. Black or white shoes are to be worn as they are more professional. No bright colourful sneakers were allowed. However, I was always jealous of my sister and the bright colourful sneakers she wore around the hospitals in Sweden. So I never listened and decided to rebel and wear my bright orange sneakers. Did I get looks? Yes. Did I get scolded? Sometimes. But boy did I get compliments from patients – “I like your bright orange sneakers, you’re hard to miss in this hospital!” At least I was remembered for my fashion sense.

3. Some doctors wear bow ties or tucked-in ties

As an attempt to improve hospital hygiene, it was implemented that anything hanging around one’s neck is not allowed to be worn in the hospital. Including neck ties. This angered many doctors, as they viewed it to be a crucial part of their professional clinical wear. Therefore they came up with a compromise. Some switched to wearing bow ties, whereas others decided to keep wearing neck ties but started tucking the end of their neck ties inside their shirt. Works I guess.

bow tie from sing movie

4. British hospitals only use black pens

If you look around a British hospital, you will only find black pens and no other colour. I recall being scolded when in the hospital once for taking notes with a blue pen. They told me – how would colour blind people be able to read what I’m writing? I assured them that the notes were only for me to see, and afterwards I had to promise to never use my blue pen again. Since that day, I only brought black pens to the hospital. Yes, it is a rule in British hospitals that you are only allowed to use black pens so that everyone can read what you write, including those who are colour blind.

blue colour blind pen screaming gif giphy

5. You address surgeons as Mr/Mrs/Ms and DEFINITELY not Dr.

“Dr. McCloy… Oh sorry, I mean Mr. McCloy!”

I bet it’s probably only in the UK where some doctors would take offense if you call them Dr. Why you might wonder, which is a pretty good question. As told perfectly in this article, during the origins of surgery around the 18th century, surgeons back then did not possess any formal qualifications let alone a medical degree to be able to hold the title Dr. They were sometimes compared to butchers, and doctors were definitely more superior. However as times have changed, the status of surgeons have risen and thus have become so proud to distinguish themselves from doctors. Today in British hospitals, being called Mr or Mrs/Ms is a badge of honour and could only mean one thing – and that is that you’re a surgeon.
they call me mr tibbs gif giphy

Hello from the Emergency Department

Hi all!

Sorry for the hiatus, but I’m back now after a hectic past few weeks! I completely underestimated the stress of belonging to two classes and being a researcher at the same time. I’ve spent these past two theory weeks basically running back and forth between lectures and classes (internal medicine with semester 8 and orthopaedics with semester 9) and trying to progress with our research. Finally those hectic weeks are over and therefore – hello from the Emergency Department in Jönköping!

I’m on my next final day at the emergency department, and I must say, today has been the least busy day of the week. I define least busy by:

  • having lunch for longer than 15min at around noontime
  • not having to run as fast as I can together with my doctors across the hospital
  • not having to respond to a single cardiac arrest alarm
  • not having to respond to a single stroke alarm
  • only going to the emergency room of the emergency department once

On my first day at the emergency department, there were at least three emergency alarms we had to respond to (meaning a load of running) on top of the regular influx of patients, that we didn’t manage to eat lunch until 5pm. During my second day at the hospital, we were anticipating yet more alarms to go off around the hospital that my doctor was prepared with his scooter outside our room. I of course had to run alongside with him.

Today was a surprisingly calm day, so calm that I didn’t need to run. It was only then when I realised. As I stood in front of our only high-priority (code red) emergency patient of the day, I realised I wasn’t scared anymore. I was looking at an acutely ill and quickly deteriorating patient without being the slightest bit concerned. This has been everyday for us all at the emergency department. It was then I realised, I’ve really been blunted after these past few days. Or perhaps, my trust in the capabilities of medicine and the healthcare workers around to quickly save a life has increased. Perhaps it’s a combination of both.

So, what have I learnt after a few days in the Emergency Department? Saving lives is a very reasonable job description for doctors.

Final day in the medical emergency department tomorrow here we go! 😀

let the doctor do his work maam gif giphy south park emergency room doctors

What do you tell someone who’s about to die?

(Disclaimer: I received verbal consent from my patient to share about my experience with him.)

This week I’ve been at the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, and nothing has challenged me more physically, mentally and emotionally during a placement.

At the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, many patients come in after suffering heart attacks. They are in critical need of care, where many patients are vulnerable and are fighting to stay alive… and the healthcare team fighting to keep them alive.

The week began quite calmly, which gave me lots of reading time, but since yesterday and especially today, I’ve been running.

Running. Trying to learn and help out during critical situations, but mainly trying to keep out of the way. Running to wherever the alarm rings. Another patient is dying. Every second counts.

Yesterday, in the midst of a flurry of doctors and nurses trying to save another patient from a cardiac arrest, everyone leaves the room to discuss. At this point, several life-saving electric shocks had been given, and I was there to witness them all. Even seeing the patient in pain.

I tried fighting my tears as I realise, I don’t like seeing patients in pain. And I really wish I don’t ever have to. But there I was.

I was left alone in the room with the patient and I take their hand to comfort them. The patient then looks at me straight in the eyes and tells me:

Jag kommer nu.” – “I’m coming now.”

Coming. Coming to a place beyond us. Coming to death. Coming to what I like to believe, life after death. Coming to Heaven.

I was silent, again fighting my tears. I look straight back not knowing what to say. What do you tell someone who knows they’re about to die, and you know it too? What do you tell someone who’s about to die?

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This question wracked my brain until the next day. Could I have said anything to improve the situation? What if that really was the last chance I got to talk to them? What if I was the last person they spoke to, and I couldn’t even say a word?

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. After a rough night and morning of more emergency interventions, the patient is alive and recovering. I finished my day early and decided to pass by the patient’s room to talk to them. It didn’t really feel right for me to leave for the weekend, not knowing whether they will be okay or not when I return. I waited for their room to be free, came in, and in the end I stayed for over an hour chatting. At the end of it they took my hand and told me:

“You have an important duty to pass on your genes to the next generation and I hope you have many children… but be careful with your choice!”

I promised I will, and in return I made them promise they will be around when I come back after the weekend.

As a medical student, I usually joke that another day at the hospital is another life saved, but now I realised this is not a joke at all. As healthcare workers, we are given the unique opportunity to make great changes in people’s lives, and sometimes even save a life. However at times, we are also there as they take their last breath. Being prepared for both scenarios would make the best impact on people’s lives and today, I realised I still have a lot left to learn.

heart ECG tracing recording

 

New apartment and my friends’ engagement

After so many months, my apartment is finally finished. Fully furnished, with a table and chairs even! I can finally eat on a table.

For the first time, I finally have a place in Linköping I can call mine. My home. In my past years in the UK, I have always lived in student accommodations, in dorms etc., but now I have my own apartment!

In my religion (I’m Catholic), when one gets a new house, it needs to be blessed as a part of a house warming. As my friend hadn’t gotten her apartment blessed since moving in, we decided to have a dual house blessing together. We only live a few minutes away from each other anyway. We invited our closest friends from church, as well as two priests from our parish. Believe it or not, but we were over ten people in my tiny apartment.

At the end of the house blessing, as we were singing, eating and being merry in general, I hear my friend joke about when my friend (who I had the dual house blessing with) and her boyfriend would get married. Then I hear my friend (the boyfriend) say: “Speaking of rings…” as he took out a ring from his pocket.

WHAT IS GOING ON I THOUGHT.

I thought he was joking. But then he bent down on one knee, and asked my friend to marry her. And she said yes.

As both my home and their love was celebrated and blessed in my apartment, I don’t think I could’ve had a more perfect house blessing.

Congratulations Emelie and Mikael, we love you!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

14053972_10153844208725994_5321410932833916494_n

The future newlyweds. ❤

On being a young researcher

Since the age of 16, I have known my way around a research lab and understand research jargon. I have familiarised myself with the research life, where everything you do is highly dependent on your cells (your babies) and the experiments you do with them. You never leave your experiment without a timer and when it rings, RUN. Otherwise that experiment you’ve paid thousands for and have been working on for the entire week would’ve been all for nothing. Or when you successfully get your results and realise that you’ve contaminated the sample?… There can be no greater research pain. It’s happened to all of us, and I know that you who are reading this who have done research before can relate.

Call me doctor Sam first lab internship as a 16-year old at Stockholm University

Self-proclaimed nerd since 2010, at my first lab internship as a 16-year old at Stockholm University

However there is one thing that has been harder to get used to. In every research group I have been in, I have always been the youngest.

As a high school student and later medical student in my early years, it was hard for me to enter a group of people who were in average normally 10 years older. All incredibly intelligent, talented and experienced, not only in what they were working with but in life too. They were in much different stages in their lives than I was. Married with their own families, sometimes with children my age. They had their lives established already with fancy titles beside their names…. and I was always just Sam.

 

I often felt lonely. How could I relate to these people? These people who are all so amazing, how could I match with them? I always looked up to them, and was often intimidated. Would I even be able to say anything smart and mature for them to see me as a peer? I didn’t want to risk it, so most of the time I just sat quietly and did my work until the day was over. Until now.

Since February, I have belonged to a research group in Linköping University working on colorectal cancer. Two days ago, I have finally signed my contract as a Research Engineer for the university. In my research group, I’m the only one without a Dr. title in front of my name – where all are medical doctors with years of experience (doctors/surgeons with MDPhDs mainly) except for my project partner who’s a postdoc from medical sciences, which is why they paired me with him. Two days ago, I found out that he has photographic (eidetic) memory.

 

Yes, I have asked myself several times – what am I doing here. If there is one group that I should feel most intimidated by, it would be this one. But rather, I could have never asked for a better group to work in. Despite being the least qualified in the group, somehow, I still feel that I belong. It was only in this group where I realised that if amazing, talented colleagues of mine see me as a peer and believe that I can contribute and belong to the group, I should believe so too.

Being surrounded by intelligent people on an everyday basis is definitely a humbling experience. Like before, I still often feel small, but now instead of questioning my own abilities, I ask my colleagues about theirs. I am given the unique opportunity to learn from the best, for me to improve my own abilities. I get inspired to dare to dream for my own ambitions, from those who already are exceeding theirs.

I have been blessed with amazing colleagues who I am looking forward to working with for the year(s) to come. They taught me that having big crazy dreams is good, because they do too. So together we dream and work for something as crazy as even finding the cure for cancer. Who knows, maybe someday we will!

dinner in 1853 eating italian food like pizza in linköping with my research lab colleagues

Introducing my research group from our dinner at 1853 in Linköping! Dr. everyone but me 😀 

Revision Week vs Tenta-P

I can’t believe it. I just finished my first medical school exams in Sweden. I’M FREE!!! 😀

So I just underwent my first “Tenta-P” (Tenta = exam, P = period) aka revision week followed by exams. I must say, it is very different from my past revision weeks in the UK (at least in St Andrews). Here are a few reasons why.

Revision week – UK; Tenta-P – Sweden

Also, see my previous blog post on Being a medical student in the UK vs Sweden.

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1. Tentagrupp/exam study groups

Revision week: Your exam grade depends on the normal distribution of how the rest of the class does on the same exam. Owing to this competitive nature, preparing for the exams tend to get competitive as well.  You’re on your own, good luck!

Tenta-P: This is probably the best thing about Tenta-P. It’s more social, and you’re not alone. Most join a tentagrupp or an exam study group (including myself) where you meet everyday to go over topics and past exam questions according to your revision week schedule. It’s basically a way to keep yourself (and each other!) motivated and on track, since you know you have to go through the topic before you meet the rest!

community study group group work gif

2. Previous exam questions

Revision week: As previous exam questions tend to get reused, the medical school don’t provide a database with previous exams. Knowing this however, students of previous years collectively made their own “previous exam database.” After one’s exam, one writes all the questions one could remember that came up, to share to the coming students the following year (thug life). This document is constantly growing and is being secretly passed down year after year like an heirloom.

Tenta-P: On our internal school website, we have a database of previous exams (from several years ago up to the one from last semester) available for us to study on, including answers. The questions also have a tendency to be reused, so there were many moments when I was beaming during the exam – that meant I had seen that question before.

simpsons happy paper writing gif

3. I’m still on Facebook

Revision week: Every revision week every semester, I usually deactivate my Facebook to minimise my procrastination and hopefully increase my concentration. My friends were used to this so as revision week approaches, they would normally ask me when I plan to take my Facebook down – and make sure they have my number so I’m reachable.

Tenta-P: I didn’t close down any of my social media accounts, instead I even added another one – Jodel. It proved to be quite a fun method of procrastination.

4. More space to study

Revision week: Back in St Andrews, we only had one central university library for all 9000 students. One could say that it definitely was not big enough to fit us all. Especially during revision week. Once, I walked around the library for over an hour trying to find a space with no luck – I just ended up going home. To be fair though, it was also a form of procrastination since you see everyone there during revision week, as everyone take their exams at the same time. Because of this, an early version of Jodel and Tinder combined begun called Spotted at St Andrews Library, where students could post about their library crush anonymously. Procrastination at its best.

Tenta-P: There are several study spaces across campus and I studied in my campus which is part of the university hospital area. To my surprise, I never had a hard time to find a spot to study, and I still seemed to see my fellow medic friends at the medical school. Where do they come from? Where do everyone else study? Wherever they may be, I’m definitely happy they left me a spot to study at the medical school anyway.

5. I’m actually sleeping

Revision week: At first, I would set some alarms at about 6/7am to make sure I wake up and study. After a while, my body gets used to waking up so early, that I don’t need an alarm clock anymore, regardless of the time I go to bed the day before. My body gets used to the 5h a day sleep routine. However, when it’s an extra harsh study day, I can’t afford 5h of sleep. That’s when the caffeine pills come in. Believe it or not, all-nighters with the right company are actually quite fun!

Tenta-P: I never had an alarm during the entire time and I think I got about 7h sleep each night. I never pulled an all-nighter nor took my typical caffeine pills to help me study. I feel so much healthier – and definitely more well-rested.

6. Packed lunches

Revision week: Bringing food to university isn’t really a thing in the UK – well at least in St Andrews as there are no microwaves in campus. So during study breaks from the library, you go to a fast food place and get take out, or to a nice restaurant to eat. Considering one could get a three-course meal from Jahangir (my favourite Indian place ever) for £5 (at the time about 50kr), it wasn’t really a big deal eating out everyday. Which definitely explains why most of us gain weight during revision week. For example, a friend of mine gained over 3kg from eating take out pizza everyday during revision week. But pizza is bae so it’s okay ❤

Tenta-P: To save time, you prepare your packed lunches for the entire week you will be spending in the library during tenta-P, and keep them in the fridge. Then you bring them one by one, and eat with your fellow medic classmates with their packed lunches at the medical school. You end up eating the same thing everyday but who cares, it’s revision week. And definitely more economical (#studentlife). Thank God for microwaves in campus.

7. One doesn’t study in the evening

Revision week: As previously mentioned, late night studying and all-nighters is a thing back in the UK. I used to do at least one all-nighter every revision week and mastered the 5min nap. Literally, I’d put my head down and my friend would time me, but I would automatically get up after 5min anyway and keep going. Also, it’s so much calmer in the evening hence so much easier to concentrate!

Tenta-P: In general, the medical school clears out around 5/6pm during tenta-P. I tend to study more effectively during the evening, so I usually stay on until nearly midnight. Which is apparently unheard of as most during this time are at home relaxing – or better yet sleeping – after the day’s study schedule. I often wished I was them.

sheldon cooper from big bang theory gif all nighter don't need sleep need answers

8. I’m actually doing other things apart from studying

Revision week: Life is wake up, study, eat while studying, sleep (if you can), study. Breaks every now and then if you deserve it. Repeat.

Tenta-P: So my friend Arianne from St Andrews came to visit over the weekend (yes, the few days before the exam), and I also celebrated a friend’s graduation back home in Stockholm. Arianne was a regular revision week study buddy of mine back in St Andrews, and I must say she was quite surprised by how “normal” I was. Not sleep deprived, not talking medical jargon to myself and lastly, not too stressed to not have a good time out!

9. The fear of failing

Revision week: In the UK, passing is not the difficult part and passing is not enough. You need to get a good grade as well because the better you get, the better it will be for you later. Also, your grade once again depends on the normal distribution of your class’ results. The fear was never about passing, so in a way I never had the anxiety of failing. Rather, the fear was getting a bad grade.

Tenta-P: The day before my exam, I had the biggest pre-exam anxiety ever. So bad I even had to go to church to calm myself down – God was the only one who could help me now. As we don’t receive grades but just a pass or fail on our exams, the fear was on passing as there’s nothing else to aim for unlike before. 65% total minimum was the goal, otherwise you gotta come back in August to do the resits!

spongebob rips in half gif

10. Meh, I’ll just do the resits

Revision week: If you fail an exam, you have one chance of redoing it during the summer. No matter how well you do on the resit, the maximum grade you can get is a pass. Also, it will state on your academic transcript upon graduation that you had to do a resit. If you fail the second time however, you need to repeat the year – touch luck! In other words the mentality is: failure is not an option.

Tenta-P: Once I overcame my pre-exam anxiety of failing, I accepted the fact that I know what I know and I can simply only do my best during the exam. I accepted my highly likely fate of returning for a resit in August. I listened to my friends’ advice who have this embedded within them – doing a resit is not the end of the world. At least the information will be fresh in your mind when the next semester starts! Meh if I fail, whatever there’s always next time 🙂

cat rolling psh whateva whatever i'm out gif

Time for summer vacation. Ehh, Linköping see you during resits in August? 😂

Thank God May is over – tenta-p!

May has been such a crazy month. Let me summarise my month in bullet points:

  • I got operated on at the end of April/beginning of May
  • I underwent post-op hell
  • I moved three times with my newly operated arm
  • My phone got stolen

Oh and of course, I’m a medical student + researcher on top of that. Now May is coming to an end which means soon summer vacation, but before that even sooner, EXAMS.

Normally during what I used to call revision week in the UK but here tenta-p, I would turn off all social medias (especially Facebook), pull all-nighters with the help of caffeine pills and stop eating. However it seems like it’s not the case here in Sweden. My friends even had plans to do things during the exam period. Much healthier I’d say.

Nevertheless, I have my game face on. I’m gonna study everything I need to know, and I’m gonna pass these exams. Until then, wish me luck guys!

Tonsillectomies are not just routine operations anymore

Sorry for the hiatus, but I am finally feeling better now. I have returned to my normal activities-ish. I now only have a plaster over the surgery site and wear a wrist splint every now and then. Thankfully, my recovery was quick! I promise to write about the surgery and put photos ASAP!

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I am currently on my ENT (Ears, Nose and Throat) placement, now on my final week. Last week due to my newly operated arm I missed more than half the week. But I’m bouncing back now!

Yesterday I attended my first ENT operation (tonsillectomy) ever. This is the first time I’ve attended a surgery for almost a year, and almost two weeks after my own surgery. Suddenly, after being newly operated on myself, my attitude towards operations have changed. It really is different when you’ve been on the other side of healthcare.

Despite tonsillectomies being routine, a range of new thoughts popped up in my head that I’ve never thought about before during operations. Thoughts such as:

  • I wonder what the patient is dreaming about right now. Are they dreaming?
  • Would they remember being woken up and leaving the operation room?
  • How would they react now that their tonsils are gone?
  • How long will their pain last?
  • I wonder if they’d be able to go back to work/school with their throat – sooo painful…

I no longer only think about the long term effects of the surgery, but how the patient will feel right after the operation. I was there too. You enter the hospital with full control of your body and feeling okay. Then you go to sleep, and all of a sudden, you wake up and everything has changed.  

After my operation, I was in pain. I was in such excruciating pain in my arm, that I was dependent on strong opioids such as oxycodone and morphine. I remember how debilitating it was, and how one was so helpless and dependent on others. The pain took over one, and all one can do is wait until it passes – or until the opioids knock you out. But then you wake up several times in the night with the pain needing more. Then you take more painkillers and can finally fall asleep again…

When I see a patient get operated now, I can relate. I can relate to their fear, anxiety, and sympathise for the pain they will undergo post-op. I recall how it was for me and realise, even though this is one of the hundreds of routine tonsillectomies done, the bi-product of the operation itself is the same. All patients will experience a change in their daily lives, with its impact highly underestimated in the beginning. That was definitely the case for me anyway. Of course I think like myself too, all patients are willing to undergo it. Patients have so much hope and trust in the treatment, that its bi-products is long overweighed by its benefits.

After being a patient myself, I understand now why patients feel the way that they do before an operation – even one as common as a tonsillectomy. One is scared for the drastic change that is about to happen – both the good and the bad. One is scared because there is nothing one can do but accept the change, and be patient.

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Arm is that you? I've missed you 😭

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